The satisfaction of working with your hands
2006-10-22I’ve spent most of my evenings during this past week, working on the new house. I spent ten hours on Saturday, working on the new house. I’m looking forward to a new week…of working on the new house.
They tell me that there’s a certain satisfaction to working with your hands. They tell me that there’s a certain satisfaction to working on your own house. They tell me that it’s a special feeling.
They’re wrong.
I take no satisfaction in this work, nor, quite honestly, am I anticipating feeling satisfied. I would be just as happy if someone else were doing it. At the end of each night, I feel empty. Even cutting and hanging drywall yesterday all by myself gave only the mildest thrill. You know, something along the lines of “Thank God I didn’t screw that up too badly”.
I used to tell myself that I’d feel different when the work is done, that I’d walk by the walls that I helped hang and think, “I did that.” But no longer. I rather doubt that I will think anything of the kind. It’s all assembly-work, just putting Tab A into Slot B. I don’t get satisfaction from assembly-work in other areas of my life, and I refuse to lie to myself about it now.
Instead, when I come home, I look at the bedroom which my children share. Sure, there’s a connecting doorway, but I can’t close it off. So, functionally, my daughter is sharing a room with her brothers. Justice sleeps in his playpen next to her anyways. I look at the latest mess that Noah has left in Arianna’s room, because we can’t keep him out. I try to be helpful in the kitchen but end up camped out at the dining room table, trying to do food prep.
If we were staying longer, we could probably make arrangements to care for some of these things. But we can’t.
And so, tomorrow, I’ll skip dinner again to walk down the block to work on the new house. I’ll shore up my spirits, trying to ignore the nagging voices that tell me that it will never be done. And I’ll do what has to be done.
Because my family needs it.
Yes, the work you’re doing now really may never give you a sense of satisfaction. But as you’re hanging the bland drywall try to imagine the beautiful color of paint that will cover it and the Japanese print that Crystal will hang in the perfect spot and when you’re fixing floors envision the clutter that will soon cover them as proof that five adorable kids live there. If you can, try to look beyond the house and see the beautiful home that will someday exist there. You got stuck with stretching the canvas as it were, but once your creative wife gets in there the work of art that is your home will come alive. It really will be worth it.
See, Adiel, that’s part of the problem. I can’t move beyond what I’m seeing in front of me. If it were actually a “blank canvas”, then that would be different. But there’s still other people’s stuff in various places around the house, which is also packed with various power tools. It’s not a blank canvas; it’s scrap paper that we’re bleaching to make it blank. So we’re actually two steps removed from what will actually be there.
Even when I see the paint go up (or put it up myself), it doesn’t mean anything. I cannot see myself or my family in this house. It’s just too far away.
Beyond that, I’m at the point where I don’t actually believe that it will ever be done. We’ve already seen several deadlines come and go, and everyone around us says that we won’t reach this deadline either. That includes Brian the Seller, by the way. And winter is coming. So there’s a feeling of futility that goes along with this all. Somedays it looks like we are doing well, but then the next day is a bust. So it’s up and down and up and down.
And maybe this is an argument for moving out of “temporary housing” mode. But that’s like the classic problem of waiting for a ride who is late. Ever done that? You could make alternate emergency plans, but the longer you wait, the more likely it is that the person is going to show up. So, of course, you wait a little longer, and the person still doesn’t show up. So, do you change plans now? Of course, now that you’ve waited this long, the situation is more severe, since you’re later than you were. But the longer you wait, the more likely it is that the person will show up. And, at this point, the chance of making a mess with alternate plans is higher. Get your emergency backup in place, and suddenly the original person shows up, and there’s more of a mess than when you started.
That’s what it’s been like. “Well, it’ll just be a month. Or another month. Or another month. Well, Real Soon Now.” So we continue to hold in limbo. Do we start to settle in? Unpack more stuff? Begin to find places for the books? If we do, that’s when we will have to undo it all and pack up again.
Quite aside from my personal stress, this post was a little bit of a rant about other issues, particularly certain forms of agrarianism, but I’ll have to leave that aside for another time.
Yo. I really busted my butt getting th e house I am living in now, got stuff painted and other stuff taken care of. While it was not as an extreme a situation that you are dealling with, I hated every minute of it, but now, a year later as I do other things on the house, I look back and say, “Yep, that really sucked!”
But it looks really nice and I can say now that I did it. You won’t get the sense of satisfaction until it is completely done and you are rested from the experience.
Just bear in mind how much nicer the house looks already, look at the new siding, I sure admired it on Saturday. Think of how nice it will all look when finished, it will practically be a brand new house!
Quick note, after I mow the grass I walk around my lawn just to look at it so that it doesn’t become just another thing chekced off the list, but rather something that I have accomplished. So you might want to try every night walking around the house and seeing what you did. Like admiring the wonderful paint job a certain brother of yours did. And the terrible primering job a certain other brother of yours did.
Some days working on the house is ok, but most days it gets to be a real drag. I would suggest working with others as much as possible. Nothing can make a job enjoyable like friends. Also try to get moved in even if the house is not done. I do not know if you have ownership yet but if you do, all you really need done on the first day would be a few rooms. The rest will get done with time. Living in a home makes you realize what needs done fast (and it gets done), and what can wait. If the drywall needs taping in the living room it can wait. The wife will say to get the kitchen done first. The money you are spending on rent and utilities can be spent on the new home. Trust me its better to just move, ready or not.