A Dark And Quiet Room

I’m not really doing most of the work on the house. Brian is. He’s the owner of the house and has a long history of doing this kind of work. He also has all the right tools…well, almost all the tools. He certainly has the skills.

It can be frustrating sometimes, actually. I’m doing some task that Brian has asked me to do, but I’m not doing it nearly as well as he does. Then, when Brian actually does the same thing, he makes it look so easy. My cut lines aren’t as straight as his. The laminate flooring obeys his will, not mine. His nails go in straight, and he doesn’t hit himself with the hammer when they do. It’s discouraging, because I feel like a screw-up who should know better somehow.

Jesus was the only truly successful human being. In particular, He succeeded at being truly human. So often, we say that we’re only human to excuse our sins and failures. “I didn’t really want to do that, but I’m only human.”? But Jesus was “only human”, yet He didn’t fall into sin or folly. He always knew the right thing to do, and then He did it. Just look at how He dealt with the Pharisees. It didn’t matter how much they tried to trap Him; He always saw through it and turned it around on them. He always knew the right thing to say, even when the right thing to say was nothing at all. (John 8:6) And then He had the courage to do it.

Me, I’d be happy if I simply knew the right thing to say. So often I feel like I’m floundering, unsure of what I’m doing. Should I have said more than I did? Did I hold back because I was afraid? Or was I wisely restraining myself?

And then there’s the art of understanding people. I feel like I don’t read people really well, so I don’t know how to interact with them. Am I being too gullible? Am I being too suspicious? Am I being used and don’t know it?

Jesus makes it look so easy. But what about me? Does it ever get easier?

In one of his letters, Paul writes about God’s purpose for His people. “For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.”? (Romans 8:29) God’s purpose is to make me like Jesus. That includes being wise like Jesus, discerning like Jesus, and courageous like Jesus. That’s all part of the project that He has started in my life.

I’m not really much of a human being. When it comes to living, I really am a screw-up. I hit my thumb when I’m swinging a hammer. I fumble with words because of my confusion. I don’t act because of my fear. But, because of God’s goodness, He’s changing me.

And maybe, one day, it will be easier for me, too.