A Dark And Quiet Room

This was a little something that popped into my head. Part of me thinks that it wants to be something more, but maybe not.

“Shh.” The gunman caressed his victim’s face. “Shh. It’ll be over soon.”

“But…but…” the victim blubbered. “This isn’t supposed to happen to me. I’m a good person.”

The gunman smiled. “We’re all good people.”

He pulled the trigger.

John Kim has a few words to say about A Flower for Mara. How’s this for a quote:

This was the highlight of the con for me.

Thanks, John!

Getting to know people is tricky. It’s even tricky to get to know yourself. That’s why I find it interesting when I figure myself out a bit. So now, I’ll share that with all of you.

I hear you yawning back there!

A couple weeks ago, I twittered about my general dislike for singing in parts. The conversations that resulted helped me put words to my reasons.

From where I sit, emotion is communicated through means that are loud or intense. If you say something and you’re not being loud or intense, then you obviously don’t mean it. Certainly, that’s true for me. So this applies to the arts. Art that isn’t “loud” or “intense” doesn’t usually connect to me, nor do I feel that I communicate effectively in those forms.

Problem is, I’ve just described most of the high art forms that are commonly employed in our culture. Rather, these forms tend to express emotion through constraint. Ballet, I’m looking at you. As I interact with these forms, while they can be intellectually interesting, they rarely engage my emotions.

As a fun example, here’s Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major. It’s pretty, right? But this version speaks to me a lot more. (And, honestly, this post became an excuse to listen to this version yet again. Like I need an excuse, right?)

So, loud or intense.

Of course, not everyone is like me, which is the tricky part. Because, on the one hand, if I’m trying to reach out to someone else, I need to remember that his emotional expression is going to be different, and I need to learn how to understand that expression. Sometimes, what I perceive as a lack of emotional expression could simply be my failure to see the real expression that is going on.

At the same time, I’m not persuaded that people are always good at emotional expression. Sometimes, the apparent lack of expression is actually a failure by that person to express his emotions.

Yeah, getting to know people is tricky.

Yesterday, I bought some Magic: The Gathering cards.

We have a confirmed sighting of A Flower for Mara at the recent Nerdly Beach Party, directed by Paul Tevis. First, some photographic evidence. Second, some post-game discussion from some of the players.

Sounds like a powerful game. Thanks to all who participated.

Welcome back to my mind. You’re about to get a tour of how I think. Ready? Here goes.

So, I’ve been working my way through a questionnaire evaluating my spiritual state. (The reasons why are unimportant. Suffice it to say that it’s something that will be read and considered by others.) And, I have to say, it’s been a rough experience for me emotionally. I have to answer honestly, and sometimes, I’d really rather not. I’m finding myself poking into various nooks and crannies of my life, and I don’t always like what I see. And, of course, I’m thinking, “I’m writing all this down, and then I’m going to give it to other people, and then we’re going to have to talk about it.”

And I’m not really feeling up for that, you know?

Smash cut to….

My newest game Showdown is coming along really well. Like, I’m dangerously close to putting out a blind playtest copy for review by others. (When I do, I’ll announce it here!)

For those of you who don’t know Showdown, here’s the basic idea. It’s a two-player roleplaying game, where you play two characters locked in a final epic battle to the death. You play out that final duel and simultaneously play through a series of flashbacks, starting from the first time the two characters met. At the end of the game, one of the characters will be dead, but you will also have filled out the story of how the two of them came to be fighting in the first place.

The design was pretty good to start, but I’ve been able to hone it better since I figured out what the game is actually about. On the surface, the game is about winning the duel. But I discovered that the real conflict is over the reputation of your character. We both know that we are fighting, but why are we fighting? If you’re not careful, you might win the duel, but your opponent got to define why you were fighting in the first place.

The major revision to the game mechanically reinforces this idea. Each character starts with four Qualities, which are things that he thinks about himself. Those Qualities are constraints on narration. Both players must respect that those Qualities are true. However, over the course of the game, your opponent can earn the opportunity to change those Qualities, which now act as constraints on narration.

So, you start off with a Quality that says “brave”. But then your opponent reaches across the table and changes that to “foolhardy” or “cowardly” or even “lazy”. Guess you weren’t really as brave as you thought you were, huh?

It can be a brutal game, especially if you identify closely with your character. Of course, I find this quite appealing. Because, of course someone is never as good as he thinks. We fill our lives with self-deception, telling ourselves that we’re better than we really are. And then, sometimes, you have an experience that pulls away some of the lies and lets us see ourselves like we really are.

You know, like answering a series of self-evaluation spiritual questions.

Yeah, my self-discovery really shouldn’t have been a surprise to me, but there it was. Just like in Showdown, I discovered the truth about some of my Qualities.

Ouch.

Thankfully, God didn’t leave me with just this revelation. Otherwise, I’d be really depressed right now. Instead, He reminded me of two things.

First, this is part of how He is giving me the gift of humility.

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you[.]

(1 Peter 5:5-6)

God apparently loves me. Therefore, He is poking at all this stuff so that I’ll remember it and not get big-headed. Because, it’s better for me if I remember who I am.

But, even more than that, God pointed out this passage while I was reading it during family devotions:

Then you shall bring Aaron and his sons to the entrance of the tent of meeting and shall wash them with water and put on Aaron the holy garments. And you shall anoint him and consecrate him, that he may serve me as priest. You shall bring his sons also and put coats on them, and anoint them, as you anointed their father, that they may serve me as priests. And their anointing shall admit them to a perpetual priesthood throughout their generations.”

(Exodus 40:12-15)

Yeah, you’re not really “supposed” to be encouraged by the description of how the Israelites were supposed to set up the tabernacle. But did you see what happened?

Aaron was washed. He was anointed. He was dressed in beautiful robes. He was made part of a perpetual priesthood.

God says that I’m his priest. So, that means that I was washed, and I was anointed, and I was dressed in beautiful robes.

That hasn’t changed.

God apparently loves me. Therefore, He gave me this passage. Because, it’s better for me if I remember who I am.

I still have to finish that questionnaire. And, yeah, it’s still emotionally difficult. But, at least now I’ll remember why I’m doing this. And I’ll be better able to look at who I really am.

On the one hand, the first day of autumn can be something of a bummer. I usually feel like I missed “summer”, whatever that means.

Though, usually, what that means is camping. And, really, it’s just too hot here in the summer to enjoy going camping. The better camping weather is in the fall. And, you know, Crystal and I are going camping in a couple of weeks….

And fall really is my favorite season….

Hmm. Maybe I’m just looking for reasons to be down.

So, we didn’t celebrate the day quite as extravagantly as it might have deserved. For example, we didn’t play Showdown with a “pirate vs. ninja” theme. At the same time, we did play Mutiny and Buccaneer, as well as several games of Jungle Speed. Yes, much rum was consumed. I will admit to writing under the influence right now.

But, at the same time, I think that’s okay. We laughed a lot tonight, amidst all the trash talking and suchlike, especially that which is associated with Jungle Speed. And I’m grateful to God for the gift of alcohol, which lets us forget all our sorrows and laugh crazily at life.

And life is good right now. God is on His throne, and all is right with the world. Even the stuff that isn’t right, currently I have great confidence that He will take care of all of it.

Plus I got to psycho-analyze Raquel, which was worth the trouble, actually.

Now, I’m planning on going upstairs and maybe playing a little Super Smash Brothers before bed. That should be pretty funny.

Goodnight, all. Happy “Talk Like A Pirate Day”.

Okay, how about this theme?

Hooray! Peoria made the national news!

Illinois Police Pepper Spray Crowd Mourning 4-Month-Old Baby

Honestly, this looks like a mild rewrite of an article from our very own Peoria Journal-Star.

Baby found dead in Peoria home; police fire pepper balls on crowd

Sounds pretty bad, doesn’t it?

Now, one of my co-workers is a member of the Tazewell County Auxiliary Police, and when this story was passed around the office, he was a bit put out. He pointed out that it is the job of the coroner to take the body of the deceased. It’s also the job of the police to secure a crime scene. For the record, an area where an infant died suddenly counts as a crime scene. Finally, he noted that it is normal procedure to give multiple warnings before using pepper spray.

Here’s an excerpt from the Journal-Star story:

“A bunch of family and friends came and were refusing to let the officers out with the baby,” said Lt. Marshall Dunnigan. “We had to use great force to get the coroner out with the baby.”

So, hang on a sec. There was a crowd of people attempting to interfere with the police doing their proper duty, and so the police eventually responded to protect the coroner and enforce the law? Why is this a problem?

But even the Journal-Star story sounds like the police overreacted, not to mention the Associated Press story that Fox News ran.

Another co-worker put his finger on this issue:

The problem lies in the use of the word “mourners.” That automatically puts the police in a bad light, implying they used force on people who were in emotional distress. It was a crowd gathered at the house that threatened to turn into a mob by interfering with police. Mourners are usually found at funerals, visitations, grave sites, etc., not congregating at a possible crime scene. It shows us how one eight-letter word can skew the perception of an event.

(Emphasis mine.)

And that’s it right there. Let me reword the lead sentence of that news article by making a slight adjustment:

Police officers fired pepper balls into a group of mourners mob gathering at the house of a 4-month-old girl who died in her South Peoria home Wednesday.

Makes a big difference, doesn’t it?

Or, as an alternate example, check out how I tweak this headline:

Officers use pepper balls to break up mob of about 100 people fire pepper balls at group of children

Use of force by the police always draws a lot of scrutiny, and that is certainly a good thing. I’m fairly confident that the entire situation will be reviewed and investigated as necessary internally; moreover, it’s good for the police to be accountable to the public at large. At the same time, we all need to be careful of the opinions that we form as a result of our interactions with the media. Just a single word or phrase can change all our opinions and reactions.

Learn to read between the lines.

Last Sunday I played Spione with James and Raquel. We’re not finished yet, and that’s actually what this post is about. During this session, I think that I finally grokked Spione and, in a larger sense, the reality behind Ron’s term “Story Now”.

We got started around 9:00. James had never played, and Raquel had only one playtest experience from back in March 2006. (We recorded that session, by the way, which you can find here.) So I was laying out how the game works: Trespasses, Maneuvers, Flashpoint, the Cold, all that.

Things started off slowly, but I think that they were going well. Sure, we had that stumbling feeling that you get when people are learning a game, but James and Raquel were getting it. In particular, James commented that he appreciated the authorial style of Spione more than the specific character focus of other roleplaying games. (Those are my words, but that’s what he meant.)

So, a positive session. The spies were getting wrapped up in the web of relationships, the Cold was closing in, and all that stuff. A little melodramatic at times, but I can accept that, too.

Most importantly to the point of this post, there was a sense of flow. Someone would say something, which would spark an idea in someone else, which would then press the story forward. Specifically, there was no sense of having to get anywhere. Really, it seemed like the driving question was something like this: “In light of what we’ve seen so far, what’s the next logical thing to happen?” It was a good vibe.

But it was getting late, and it didn’t look like we’d be able to finish.

James started trying to pull the threads together. Suddenly that sense of flow went away. Now the driving question was “Where do we need to be?” Everything felt different.

We called a brief story conference and agreed that we just wouldn’t try to finish that evening. Instead, we’d play through to the next Flashpoint and then pick up the game later. We all agreed and proceeded with Maneuvers. The sense of flow returned.

We ended with a cliffhanger of sorts. Thomas Baum and Fiona Summers have both been betrayed by romance (though in different ways) and doubled back on their handlers. In the final Flashpoint, both of their original handlers figured out that they have been doubled.

The next session should be interesting.

But the big lesson that I learned is that you can’t drive towards any sort of predetermined ending in these games of ours, even if that ending is simply a specific time constraint. If you try to focus on the future, the game doesn’t work. Instead, simply work in the present. “In light of what we’ve seen so far, what’s the next logical thing to happen?”

I hope that I don’t sound like I’m being critical of James. I’ve done this very thing before and, honestly, if the system didn’t constrain the ending via Supporting Cast, I probably would have done the same. But it wouldn’t have worked and, honestly, it wouldn’t be as good. We probably would have wrapped with both spies being doubled, and that would have been it. Instead, we’re only a part of the way into the whirlwind with much more to come.

Now, I know that Ron has been saying this for years, but it finally clicked in my head. This is the “Now” of “Story Now” that he keeps talking about. And I guess that I knew it all along, but I finally saw it in action. Something for me to tuck away in my mind for future games.

First, check out this video of David Simon, creator of The Wire, talking about Baltimore. Here’s a salient quote:

“Some of the smallest, gentlest moments I’ve ever experienced have been being a bystander to how people relate to this city and to each other as Baltimoreans. The trick is to tell the stories [on the Wire] with enough insider affection and insider angst and insider worry and insider anger that other Baltimoreans recognize that it [The Wire] is something of a love letter. It’s from a conflicted and often frustrated lover, but it’s nonetheless a love letter.”

Replace “Baltimoreans” with whoever you live with. Yeah, that’s how I think Dirty Secrets ought to be played.

As I worked on designing Dirty Secrets, I found myself developing this same affection for Peoria. Yeah, I learned all kinds of badness about my city, and I’m still learning more. But, at the same time, it’s my city…the place that I love. This same sense drives my political critiques and all that. I love where I live, warts and all.

So I hope that some of the players of Dirty Secrets would develop a similar feeling about where they live. I guess we will see.

Yes, I’ve changed the blog template again. People complained that the previous template wasn’t “dark and quiet” enough. So I’m experimenting.

Thoughts?

“In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.”–George Orwell

It’s been grey and rainy a lot, and I’m feeling a little down. But I stumbled upon this, and it made me feel a little better.

Ninja frogs!