A Dark And Quiet Room

I don’t have a lot of time, so this will be somewhat impressionistic.

Yay! Sweet Agatha came in the mail!

Ooh…pretty envelope.

Open…carefully.

Hmm. Yeah, okay.

But it’s so pretty! I don’t want to cut that up. But, what new images will appear when I do?

Wow. That’s emotionally heavy.

This is so totally my kind of game.

Um, that looks like the beginnings of the key to that code. Maybe I’ll be able to figure out that cipher!

Uh oh. I think I’m hooked. And I haven’t even started playing yet.

Or have I? Hmm….

(Note: I’m writing this on my Blackberry. Hopefully, this won’t impact the quality of my writing….)

Last night, Crystal and I went on a PretendDate. This is the second time we’ve done this, and it was a fun time. But, what is a PretendDate? I’m glad you asked.

It all started one evening when Crystal and I were out and about. We were driving randomly and ended up near the home of some friends of ours. Crystal really wanted to ring their doorbell and run away slowly to pretend to prank them. She was quite pregnant at the time, and she thought this would be funny. We dithered about it for a bit and decided that we could just pretend that we did it and then tweet that we had done it. Then, maybe our friends would see it and we’d all laugh. So, that’s what we did.

Things got a little out of hand after that. We drove around the city to different places. Then we’d decide what we were going to pretend to do there. Then we’d tweet it (with the #pretenddate hashtag) and move on. So, all we actually did was drive around the city to different places. But, in our minds, we did all kinds of things.

So, last night, we really did get egg rolls…from Egg Roll Express on Sterling and Gale. Then we ate them in the parking lot of Westlake Plaza near a security guard in a car that looked a lot like a cop car. Then we poked around one of the Halloween stores that was there. Then we headed towards Spotted Cow, took a wrong turn, discovered that Spotted Cow was closed, then headed to Dairy Queen. Once there, we bought onion rings and ice cream sundaes. We ate them, drove a little longer, then headed home. Along the way, though, we tweeted our PretendDate adventures, because it’s fun.

(After we got home, I beat Crystal at Dominion and then we watched an episode of The Wire, but that wasn’t part of the PretendDate.)

So, while this PretendDate cost money, it didn’t have to. All you really need is the time to be away and the willingness to pretend together. It’s something between a roleplaying game and an alternate reality game. And, tweeting about it let’s others play along.

So, that’s a PretendDate. Please do steal the concept, if you like it. If you do, be sure to tweet about it with the #pretenddate hashtag. That way we can all play along.

Last night, Hope wasn’t settling. So Crystal and I fired up Season 1 of The Wire. I hadn’t realized exactly how much I was looking forward to watching this show again.

So, once again, through the dirty streets of a broken city. And this time, I’m taking notes for Major Crimes.

Mike Miller (not to be confused with Michael S. Miller) interviewed me for his new interview blog 3 (or so) questions. My answers were long, so they are going up in installments. The first one is here.

Crystal came to me the other day and asked me to make a math game for my kids to help them learn their math problems. Here’s what I came up with:

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Untitled Math Game

Make two decks of cards. One of them (the “student deck”) is made up on the different math problems to be learned. (e.g. “5+2″, “4+1″, and the like). The other deck of cards (the “teacher deck”) is made up of cards with the answers for the problems in the student deck (e.g. “7″, “5″, and so on). In addition, the teacher deck has an “I Win!” card that is put at the bottom of the deck.

The student starts by drawing 7 cards from his deck. When he is ready, he tells the teacher to start. The teacher will then flop cards from his deck onto the table. This should be at a regular pace (every 3-5 seconds). The student then attempts to match the cards in his hand with the cards that the teacher is flopping onto the table. Each matched pair is pulled off the table. The student may draw more cards from his deck whenever he desires.

The teacher wins if he flops his “I Win!” card or if he has more cards on the table than the student has cards in hand.

The student wins if he manages to get rid of his cards before the teacher flops the “I Win!” card.

The student’s score is equal to the number of matches he has made. So, even if the student loses, he can still measure his progress.

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This has not yet been playtested; I’ll report back when I know more. But, in the meantime, any thoughts?

Offered without comment.

Colin Creitz saith:

A fortiori, then, Seth Ben-Ezra’s forthcoming game Showdown must be understood as a very postmodern deconstruction of sociopathic violence tropes in traditional games. “Rendering problematic the relationship between the act of playing and the fiction” is what it does best. Not only does it undermine the “heroic” traits of the protagonists in the fiction as we experience it, it undermines those same traits in the characters’ self-images. In the best games, we’re left with the hollow husks of the characters we thought we created, losers who resort to deadly violence because they have nothing left. It’s like playing D&D and Power Kill at the exact same time.

On Friday, I wrote the following update on Twitter:

“Both GenCon and polyamory are poor attempts to replace true covenant community. I blame Thomas Chalmers and George Grant. #notatgencon”

So, yeah, this is an example of what happens when you try to compress a train of thought into a tweet. So I’d best unpack this, eh?

Over the past few weeks, the Ben-Ezra family has been spending time with a couple other families in our church, discussing a recorded lecture series by George Grant on the life and work of Thomas Chalmers; specifically, his work in planting churches with a vibrant covenant community. I was unable to listen to the final lecture with the group, because Hope was being fussy. However, I was informed by one of my elders that I really needed to listen to it. So, while I was working on Friday, I was listening to the final lecture and the following Q&A period. During that time, Dr. Grant made an off-hand comment that I found to be fascinating. He said that one source of the stress found in marriages is the expectation that each spouse will be able to fill all the needs of the other person.

And that’s when I flashed to both GenCon and polyamory.

I’ve had occasion to see discussions about the motives and goals of polyamory. The running theme of these discussions is summarized well by a quote from an article in Newsweek entitled “Only You. And You. And You.”: “Everyone in a relationship wrestles at some point with an eternal question: can one person really satisfy every need?”

(In a weird intersection between GenCon and polyamory, I point to the Jeepform Under My Skin, which is an attempt to address precisely these issues.)

Polyamory isn’t really about sex. It’s about loneliness.

And so is GenCon.

Check out this promo text from this year’s website:

Gen Con Indy is the original, longest running, best attended, gaming convention in the world. For over 40 years, Gen Con Indy has been setting the trend and breaking records. Last year, more than 28,000 unique attendees experienced Gen Con Indy. The biggest complaint we hear is that there is simply too much to do, see, and experience. Get lost in a phantasm of art exhibits. Stare at jaw-dropping costumes, or better yet, wear one of your own. Meet the movers and the shakers in the gaming industry. Check out the newest games and get a sneak peek at the latest editions.

And, of course, play your heart out with fellow enthusiasts in a community that understands your passion. What you’ll experience at Gen Con Indy is nothing short of IT. You know, whatever “It” is for you? This is IT! Get ready to get there.

The emphasis is mine, of course.

I visited GenCon 2002 for one day, which was the last year GenCon was in Milwaukee. More recently, I was at GenCon 2007 and 2008 in Indianapolis. If you’re at all into hobby gaming, it’s an incredible experience. The entire city is prepared to take your money…I mean, welcome you to downtown Indy. Everywhere you go, you see gamers, oohing and aahing over new books or games. You see cosplayers in costume, dressed like Darth Vader, Solid Snake, Master Chief, or other geek-related characters. There’s this crazy buzz in the air and this sense of recognition as you pass a fellow geek.

Because, more than any other place, GenCon is where you can be a gamer and be normal.

Let’s face it: hobby gaming is an outsider’s activity. The vast majority of gamers are socially ostracized by the mainstream. (For now, we’ll set aside whether or not this is just.) To be a gamer is to be a nerd, looked down on by “normal” people, laughed at in the media, or rejected by friends.

Except at GenCon.

At GenCon you are normal. At GenCon, stormtroopers wander the streets and no one blinks. Boffer duels break out in hallways, and people stop to enjoy the show, not wonder at the crazies with the padded swords.

More than anything else, I believe that GenCon is selling acceptance.

For those of you who don’t know, GenCon 2009 was last weekend. I wasn’t there. This was a struggle for me at times. I mean, I had a list of good reasons why I wasn’t there. So, why was I disappointed?

Here’s why. At GenCon, I’m a game designer who helped in the early stages of the Forge indie game movement. I published one of the first American Jeepform games. I know the movers and shakers in the community. Moreover, my skills are valued. Last year, I helped construct the booth demos for two rookie designers, and my insight was appreciated.

I was missing that sense of acceptance. For me, it’s a bit more specialized than the average gamer. But yeah, that’s exactly what it was.

And it’s a trap.

Both polyamory and GenCon hold out a promise that they cannot fulfill, because both are founded on lies.

Polyamory tries to locate the solution to loneliness within the family. Oddly enough, it’s really just a variation of the problem the polyamorous are claiming to be addressing. The assumption is that we can pack enough people into a family to meet all our needs. But it doesn’t work. God created us to be monogamous, and violating His will through polyamory will end in tears. For example, polyamorous relationships often blow apart because of jealousy. Another quote from the Newsweek article explains this just a little:

The trio have had emotional moments. Scott had a hard time the first time he heard Larry called Terisa “sweetie” nine years ago. Larry was nervous when Terisa began semiseriously dating somebody outside the group. There are times when Scott has had to put up with hearing his girlfriend have sex with someone else in the home they share.

If someone were to talk like that to Crystal…well, let’s just say that they wouldn’t find the body. Ya know? And let’s not even get into that sexual openness, yeah?

GenCon tries to address the problem through sameness. “Look at all these gamers! You’re not alone! You’re normal!” But this fails for two reasons. First, GenCon eventually ends, and then you must return to “real life”. The GenCon high doesn’t last. Second, the gaming world isn’t remotely unified. Even if you look at the narrow slice I inhabit, there are constant debates over what it means to be a community. The flame wars, the nerd rage…. Yeah. Is that really the foundation of a solid community? I mean, what are we united around, anyways? Gaming? Really? What do boardgamers think of roleplayers? Or traditional RPGers about storygamers? Or storygamers about trad gamers, for that matter? Are they roleplaying games? Storygames? Something else?

Doesn’t seem like a very solid core for unity to me. And I’ve seen the explosions and the fallout that have resulted in this community, simply because one person didn’t like someone else’s game of choice.

Now, this is the point in this post where I’m supposed to point at the Church and say, “But this community is founded on something secure: Jesus Christ. And so all the answers are here. See? Covenant community.” And it’s true. A community founded on Jesus Christ is the only secure community.

But…really? If that’s so, then why are we still so lonely in the Church? Could it be that we’re not willing to pay the price to have community?

A community is more than just shared allegiance; it’s shared lives. And sharing lives is costly.

Consider this: both the groups I’ve mentioned have actually managed to form apparently stable communities. As an example, I could travel to Chicago, Los Angeles, or western Massachusetts and find a couch to crash on. How do I know this? Because I’ve seen others do it. And, to be fair, if some of the gamers I know happened to be in Peoria, I’d probably do the same for them. Shared games have led to shared lives.

Or what about the polyamours? They have radically altered their lives in order to pursue the sort of community that they think will satisfy them. This change in lifestyle has come with significant financial, emotional, and social risk. And yet, people continue to embrace this lifestyle, which leads to shared lives.

If we’re so hot for Christian community, then what are we willing to do to establish it? The goal isn’t to have everyone show up at the same place at the same time. The goal is to share our lives with each other, because we all share Jesus. But are we really sharing our lives?

Ask yourself: what are the barriers that are keeping you from sharing your life with the people in your church? Fear of rejection? Distance? A life that’s simply too busy?

Then ask yourself: what are you willing to do to overcome those barriers?

The gamers and polyamours are already hard at work. What are we prepared to do?

Addendum: as an example of this whole “shared lives” thing, let me tell you about my weekend.

This weekend has been a growing experience for me. Often, that equals “a really difficult time”, but not this time. Instead, I think that I have a clearer sense of who I am and who I need to be for the people around me. And that’s certainly not a bad use of time at all.

I came across this video yesterday. He’s talking about indie video games, but I think it applies to all forms of independent art. Quality is quality, regardless of how many people worked on a project. And, yeah, giving something a pass just because it’s “indie” doesn’t actually help the independent artist. So, yeah, if you don’t have the money to make a blockbuster, then don’t try! All you’ll do is make a bad blockbuster. Instead, make a small film…but do it well.

I don’t feel like I’ve written here much recently. So, to remedy that, I’m going to mention another game that I’ve started poking at.

First Responders is going to be my game about uniformed patrol cops. Yeah, it’s another “crime” game. This one I’m seeing as something of a cross between Dogs in the Vineyard and my hypothetical Collateral hack for Breaking the Ice with a general flow to gameplay inspired by Bliss Stage and the game structure from my first Unknown Armies campaign.

Did I drop enough names there?

I figure that this will probably be a three-player game, featuring two players as the cops and one player as Dispatch (the GM). There’s part of me that would like the game to be playable as a two-player game, but I think I’m going to need a GM for this one.

So, the other day, I found myself at the local Wal-Mart, where back-to-school sales were in full swing. Yeah, I know that it’s July, but we homeschool anyways, so I’m out of sync with the regular school calendar. All I know is that office supplies were on sale!

I really geek out about office supplies and posterboard. There’s this hovering presence of possibility around all that paper. Like, I should do something with all of it.

I managed to escape having only bought some pens, mechanical pencils, index cards, and three composition notebooks. I want to talk about those composition notebooks. The rest makes sense if you’re a roleplayer. I mean, just add dice and you can play just about any game on the market. Sure, I’d be curious to see a Burning Empires character written up on index cards, too, but it could be done.

But those notebooks….

I have various spiral notebooks floating around. They contain my scratch paper. When I need paper, that’s where I go. They have also contained design notes for games that I’m working on. Invariably, the notebook gets lost or raided for scratch paper. So, I’m going to try working with these composition notebooks. Each draft game I’m working on will get a notebook. (Yes, do the math….) Then, when I have an idea, I’ll scrawl it in the notebook. This way, I’m actually using manual means (instead of Google Docs or the like) to capture my thoughts, and it will serve as a consolidated design diary of sorts.

Also, I’ll be able to put the title on the front cover. That’ll help give some focus to the use of the book, I think.

At least, that’s the theory. I’ll let you know how it goes.

I was reminded of this article today, so I thought I’d share:

The Ten Points

It’s a brief discussion of game design in the style of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War. Very funny, and very true.

A couple weeks ago, Gabrielle and Raquel played Showdown, my current game-in-development. They were so taken with the story they created that Gabrielle actually wrote it up and posted it on her blog. It’s in several parts, which you can find here:

Showdown Intro
Showdown Part 1
Showdown Part 2
Showdown Part 3
Showdown Part 4
Showdown Part 5
Showdown Part 6
Showdown Part 7
Showdown Part 8

The story doesn’t show the actual game mechanics in use, but it does give a sense of the kind of story that the game produces.

I still need beta testers. If you’re interested, leave a comment!

Jesse Schell on playtesting:

I hate playtesting….

Having people hate your work is probably one of the most painful parts of being a game designer. And playtesting is like an engraved invitation that reads:

You are cordially invited
to tell me why I suck
Bring a friend–Refreshments Served

–The Art of Game Design, page 391

Have I mentioned that I’m really enjoying this book? Actually, I don’t think I have. So….

I’m really enjoying this book. While it leans in the direction of videogame design, the book is more about the process of design than anything specifically electronic. If you’re at all interested in game design, I recommend this one highly.

It’s “Today I Die”!

Check this one out. It’ll take ten minutes, and it will satisfy your emo gaming needs.

You know, if you have some.

In this comment, Barb asked a question:

This comment has nothing to do with role-playing games. I just noticed your interest in The Wire, Crash, Traffic, et al and want to know – what about these shows/movies interests/attracts you?

PS – I’m intrigued by these movies myself. I hesitate to say “enjoy” because what’s to enjoy about viewing a degraded society…but I’m drawn to these movies. In fact, Crash is one of my favorites.

It’s been a while since she asked the question. In fact, I started writing this post on January 6, 2009. I’m only posting it now. That’s a long time. So long that I’ve changed the name of the game to

Major Crimes. But I digress. The question still deserves an answer.

So, yeah, why would I do this to myself?

First, for the uninitiated, here are some links:

The Wire Season 1 opening credits

Traffic trailer

Crash trailer

I really like the Crash trailer, by the way. The bit at the end where the guy laughs about “people”…it just seems to sum up the movie so well.

And hey, while we’re here, a few clips from The Wire, so as you can get a feel for the show. FYI, these clips do including the use of language, so You Have Been Warned.

Who shot Snots Boogie–the opening scene of Season 1, Episode 1

D’Angelo explains McNuggets

And, one of the conflicted, tragic characters of the show…Bodie. Yeah, spoilers and such:

D’Angelo explains chess to Bodie and Wallace

Bodie and Poot kill Wallace

Bodie and Poot discover that their friend is dead

Bodie’s final moments

Of course, the last two clips are from Season 4, when you’ve almost forgotten that Bodie killed Wallace. Almost….

But hey, this isn’t supposed to be a fanboy post about The Wire. Or Traffic or Crash, for that matter. Rather, I’m supposed to answer the question, “Why are you a fan of these

stories?” And, for that matter, why make a game about making these kinds of stories?

First off, these stories are about specific social issues of our day. Traffic is about the effects of the drug war on society, Crash is about the impact of racism on society, and The

Wire…well, The Wire is about the failure of social institutions.

In other words, these stories are trying to show the human cost and individual impact of social issues. So, we’re not just talking about “drug addiction” in Traffic; we’re talking about Caroline

Wakefield, the daughter of a rich and powerful man who ends up prostituting herself for another high. We’re not just talking about “gang violence” in The Wire; we’re talking about Bodie, a generally motivated kid who fights a losing battle, long after his gang has abandoned him. We’re not talking about “institutional racism”; we’re talking about Officer John Ryan, who first sexually harasses a black woman and then later ends up saving her.

Beyond that, these stories all share a basic philosophy: we are all connected. The choices that we make don’t just affect ourselves. They affect everyone, rippling out from us like waves in a pond.

Yet we rarely consider this simple fact. We are so self-absorbed that we don’t even care about how we are hurting others.

These issues matter to me quite a bit. I am tired of the rhetoric that surrounds these issues. Everyone seems to have a solution, but few care about the human cost of their choices. So, I want people to stop long enough to consider the consequences of their choices. Rather than chanting “Just say no to drugs!” and voting for more police and harsher jail sentences for drug trafficking, I want people to consider the causes that lead someone to become a drug dealer. Why would someone choose that life? Maybe if you understood that, you’d have a different solution.

Along the way, I’d love to deconstruct the American myth of the police. We somehow believe that the police can simultaneously protect us from all harm while preserving our rights. Or, you know, at least the “important” ones. (Yeah, I’ve written about this elsewhere.) As I watched The Wire, I was constantly impressed with the fact that the police officers were just regular guys. They got up and went to work. Sometimes they had a good day; sometimes they had a bad day. Ever make a mistake at work? Yeah, so did they.

And now I’m watching The Shield, which is based on a simple premise: it is impossible to erase crime without becoming a criminal. Depressing, eh? But this is the result of our expectations of the police. We want them to be all-powerful, but then we complain when they take the necessary steps to accomplish the unachievable goal that we set before them. I find myself veering between anger at the police for their actions and sympathy for the impossible expectations that we have established for them.

Maybe more people should watch The Wire and The Shield instead of the quasi-magical CSI.

Once again, I digress.

I make games about issues that I think are important. I enjoy playing games that are just for fun, but I design games that express my concerns. I think that our world would be improved by more people stopping and thinking about these issues. Why do we continue to fund the drug war? What’s so bad about crack? Is the security that we have gained from new police techniques worth the freedom that we have lost?

I have my own answers. But I’m not writing Major Crimes to force my opinions on you. I’m writing Major Crimes, because I want you to have to answer these questions.

(Barb, you might also find “Why I Hate Fun” an interesting read. The author defends the idea of emotionally tumultuous stories being “fun”. Sorry for taking so long to write this for you.)